grandma shit on top of the toilet
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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