Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
