and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
