He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize