I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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