If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize