it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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