The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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