i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
