a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
