if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
