Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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