I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
