I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize