I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
