I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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