hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
