with your own penis?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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