she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
