I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize