I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
