I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
