finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
