At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
