you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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