i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he was CRYING into my vagina
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
