I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
