Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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