My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
