Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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