At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize