the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
