even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
