Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
