his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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