I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
