Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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