Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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