we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
