but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
