What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
