i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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