Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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