meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
