the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
