I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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