maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
