normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
