I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
