The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
