I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize