2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
