hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
