I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Text me some of your sweat
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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