he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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