I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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