Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
