Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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