My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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