Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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