and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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