I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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