dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
