I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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