i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
