I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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